Musings #1: You’re Not A Good Girl Because You’re a Virgin

June 9th 2018

June 9th 2018

I just want to stay indoors and sleep all day.

I’d made everyone believe I was feeling unwell.

But I know the unwellness is from within

It’s about something I lost.

I never thought I would so easily.

It all happened so fast.

I remember how it all happened…

Five years ago.

I was what? 22, 23?

At my prime, I’d say.

I had my life planned out.

A staunch purity advocate.

Some friends abhorred me for that.

They thought I was being too serious.

I preached it

And I lived it.

I’d never known love.

Never been.

Save from the one I received from my ever loving family

And my so many platonic friends.


As it is between a man and a woman.

The one that gives the goose bumps.

That produces butterflies somewhere in the lower abdomen.

That makes you want to speak to him for hours.

That makes you feel a part of you is missing when he’s gone.

That makes you feel jealous, and want to have him by your side all the time.

That can make you cry when he leaves.

I’d never felt all that.

I always scorned when I see my friends do crazy things for love.

I thought them as being too foolish

Or empathetic.

Or too emotional even.

I was a dreamer

An ambitious person.

I had a lot of goals.

I needed no man to achieve them.

I was too wise for love.

I needed no distraction.

I knew what I wanted.

And a man wasn’t part of it.

Or so I thought.

I was always the one around to see my friends fall in love

Around to cheer them up when it breaks their heart.

But I was always apathetic with the advices I gave.

Just like a commentator

Who doesn’t know the pain in the feet of the footballers

But comments anyway.

It was very rainy the day I met him.

It wasn’t a commendable first impression

But one I’d always remember.

The feelings that engulfed me in the few months that followed?

Strange feelings

But I liked it.

It made me feel whole

It was as if I had missed something all along.

I was skeptical

But the more I tried to draw away

The more I caved in.

Then weeks turned to months.

Frequent visitations.

Frequent hangouts.

Frequent calls, texts.

We were addicted.

Okay, I was addicted,

To him

I wanted him.

All the time.

I knew I was loosing it.

But it just felt too good.

We became physical.

We fought it,


But failed each time.

I knew I’d lost something

Not just my virginity.


I was loosing myself to this relationship.

I was no longer thinking straight.

All I could think of was him,

And the next sexual escapade we’d have.

I delved into all forms of immorality.

I craved for his touch all the time.

I knew I needed to punctuate this relationship.

And three months later.

I decided on a full stop

June 8 2019

I woke up this morning with a vital sense of rejuvenation.

I read my devotional and muttered silent prayers.

A book beside me reminded me.

It’s world Virginity day!

And I’ll be speaking to teenagers at a conference on ‘why’ they need to keep their virginity till marriage.

For the me who had no foolproof why’s, It was so easy, to just do it.

When the purpose of a thing is not known… you know the rest.

Most times, we teach young people to abstain from sexual immorality “for the very wrong reasons”.

They start up with it and eventually discover they were myths that never existed at all, or they are introduced to more fair, coherent and reasonable reasons as to why they should indulge.

“Virginity is your pride In your husband’s home”

“Your spouse would value you more if you’re a virgin”

“Your man/woman will not have trust issues with you if you are a virgin”

“You are a good girl because you’re a virgin’

“A man can tolerate all inadequacies so long you’re a virgin”

Inasmuch as these hypothesis ‘might’ apply in some situations, I still think they are just the wrong reasons for abstinence.

Not to mention the fact that they sound “sexist” to me, and everything feminists will kick against.

When abstinence is based on flimsy standards, then it would be so easy to stray without giving second thought.

And then, the how?

It’s not just enough to teach teenagers and youths about the dangers and punishments of immorality without teaching them how to wriggle past it.

In my case, I wanted to, really.

But I just didn’t know how to when I was engulfed in the stream of emotions.

I wasn’t ready for what I got into, so I fell badly.

I’d make sure I teach them, what I learnt from my experience.

Especially the part where I placed a full stop to the sexual relationship.

I have so much values to give these kids.

I smiled to myself.

Today is just going to be a great day.



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